Good Idea- Poor Execution

I love coffee. Seriously. Some people drink coffee out of necessity. I drink it because it is wonderful. I am getting better and better at differentiating beans and roasts. I can taste the subtle flavors in certain beans. I LOVE coffee. I didn't always love it. In fact, until around January of 2003, I hated coffee. I liked the smell, but couldn't stomach the taste. Then I discovered coffee the way it was intended to be consumed. Black. No sugar and no cream. I have had that beautiful dark princess warming my hand, body and disposition ever since.

Dillano's Coffee is probably the best coffee I have had the pleasure of drinking. Just wonderful. Call me and I will gladly send you a pound or so. When I returned from Iraq, I and some of the gentlemen I worked with went to thank the very kind and giving people of Dillano's for the very gracious gift of about 100 lbs of coffee they sent us while we were deployed. We ended up taking an impromptu tour of their roasting facility and found out why they are so much better than the McDonalds of coffee.

I have not had a hobby since... wow- besides reading, I have no hobbies. JA tells me I need to find SOMETHING I like to do and do it. Drinking beer and smoking cigars does not count as a hobby. I would love to find something that interests me and I enjoy doing. I think that I may have found it. This afternoon I walked into a small organic coffee and tea shop and discovered the beauty of an unroasted green coffee bean. Apparently, you can buy green coffee beans there and roast them yourself in your home. What is the startup expense of this? Just the cost of the beans (about 3-5 bucks a pound instead of the 8-11 bucks a pound that you would pay for some premium (and overcooked) coffee beans.

Before I finish the coffee thoughts and happenings- let me tell you about JA's day. She started the day with our six year old coming into our room because he was thirsty at 1 AM. Then she fed Elsie. Then she slept for 2 or so hours and fed Elsie again at 4. Then our Six year old was back because he had a dream about snakes that froze people. He crawled into bed and sleep was done. Then I went to the store to get a few things that we needed for dinner tonight. While I was there, I picked her up a latte from Starbucks. Since she is breastfeeding, she has been trying to cut out all milk from her diet because it causes incredible gas pains for Elsie. Instead of her normal (tall gingerbread latte) I got her a tall soy gingerbread latte. JA hates soy. Good morning honey- here is your coffee that you think you are going to love, but you are really going to hate. Sorta like wrapping up a present of poop for someone. "Oh, a present for me? Wow- you shouldn't have. Seriously. I'll just open it... ewww. what the?!?!? Gross. You REALLY shouldn't have!" That was at 7:15 and it went downhill from there. On the way home I picked up some children's Tylenol to try to combat the 104.7 degree fever David developed throughout the day.

Tonight, after Jonathan and Thomas went to bed; David was laid out on the couch sweating, and Elsie was barely sleeping in the swing, I decided that it was definitely time to start my very first batch of coffee. Did you know that all of the smoke alarms in my house are wired together? Did you know that as hard as I try, I cannot reach the smoke alarm nearest the stove because it is on a nine foot ceiling? Did you FURTHER know that roasting coffee beans in an iron skillet on the stove (a recommended method, by the way) produces an ENORMOUS amount of smoke?

How did the beans turn out? I don't know. I used the garbage disposal to grind them as they were on their way down to the sewer. Maybe I'll do the next batch in the garage. Or maybe while no one in the house is sleeping.


Kimberly said...

OMG! I'm dying!!! That was absolutely hilarious!!! I mean except for the part about the horrible freezing snakes dream, and the 104.7 degree fever, and the fact that my dearest friend can't have normal latte's for awhile (what are we going to drink together when I come visit?). I nearly peed myself I was laughing so hard!
Oh and by the by, I do know a little something about your smoke alarms! %^}

Jane Anne said...

I just found the "Home Roasting Tips" that you left on the counter. Kind of funny that the first tip for the Skillet method is: Turn on stove fan. That makes me smile.

Seriously, hon, I had hoped to get some exercise yesterday and running up the stairs to the boys room at 'warp momma speed' counts.

Amy said...

Thank you SO much for this story! It made me laugh out loud. Poor Janey Jane and the boys and little Elsie. Ah Seth Andrew...what am I going to do with you?!? I can see Janey Jane running up those stairs! :)

Anonymous said...

LOL, no one heard it though.

Black coffee, no cream, no sugar. "oh sweet manna from Heaven"

Did you also know you can make coffee wine? "lightbulb!" you make the beans and I will turn them into wine!

Melissa Guay said...

OH man, poor Mama just can't catch a break!!! LOL - that was a hilarious story!!! Thanks for sharing a laugh at your expense! :)))