Sweats and Ankles

The bad of living this side of 30 (for Melissa and Kimberly) is that my memory isn't as good as it used to be. Suddenly today, I remembered why I haven't worn sweatpants since I was 13.

My grandfather had a pool built in his backyard when me and his other 13 grandchildren were growing up. Since we all lived in the same town, it was a good bet that it would be well-used. I was 13 and smart. I also was lazy. There was no way I was going to waste time going home and changing clothes after football practice rather than go straight to my grandparent's house to go swimming. This particular day I wore just my swimsuit to practice (that means no underwear underneath). We did a lot of conditioning without pads and received our new football warm-up suits. My girlfriend (did we really have girlfriends in 8th grade?!?!?!) was one of the cheerleaders and she sat with her friends off to the side of practice, not unlike the Fair Maidens awaiting the return of their valiant knights after a battle. We went into the locker room and changed into our cool sweats to finish the walkthru portion of practice.

Before I finish, let me tell you what reminded me of this traumatic event in my life. This morning as we were leaving for church I could find Thomas' shoes nowhere. They simply disappeared off the face of the earth. Once I put some shoes of Davids on him and got him in the car I realized that Thomas' shoes were in the car. When in the world did they get in there? That's right- Christmas Day. That was the last day that our kids have left the house! Suffice it to say that have a LITTLE bit of pent up energy. And yes, I put on my sweatpants today after getting home from Church. A perfect mixture of snow and rain was making it's way down from the clouds. Perfect nippiness necessitated the trading of my slacks and dress-shirt for my trusty gray sweatpants and a ragged old T-Shirt. Man, I am sooooooo comfy! But, when three boys' pent up energy and Daddy's new sweatpants (which I neglected to securely tie) come face to face, Daddy ends up getting ankled! It is foreign to me that I may need to explain what "ankling" is, but I will. In this real life experience, it was Jonathan grabbing a handful of sweats on my right hip as David simultaneously grabbed a handful on my left hip and, not unlike a well-planned and executed football play, they both pulled in a downward motion. The end result was my ankles being warmed by the pants that were previously covering my funny parts.

Back to Football practice. Practice ended and Shawn (who for the next 5 years had a nickname for me whose jumbled letters were "lamls nepis") came up behind me and, in full view of God, my waiting father in the parking lot, the football team, and my 'girlfriend', proceeded to grab handfuls of sweatpants and ensured that my ankles were thoroughly warmed. Unfortunately, my funny parts received a few seconds of direct sunlight and laughter. I didn't talk much to my 'girlfriend' that day after practice.

12 comments:

Kimberly said...

OMG! That is hilarious! I just want to know why on earth why you would wear a swimsuit to football practice? That seems a bit odd? Anyway that's a great commercial for Hanes or Fruit of the Loom!!!

Melissa Guay said...

ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This about made me fall out of my chair!! Seth, you have a way with words like no other!!! :)))))))

Bakatari said...

That is why you need to wear a cup man.} It's much less humiliating!?

Seth said...

Swimsuit to football practice.... I was probably swimming at the pool before practice and planned on going back. Or maybe I was just going commando!

Jane Anne said...

So, today I am wearing my elastic waisted pants with a drawstring. I was standing in Safeway when I noticed the drawstring was untied. As I am tying them back, David says, "Good thing you are doing that! Next time it happens, I am going to ankle you." (I smile. I think of my dear husband. I imagine being ankled in Safeway.) I said, "No David, you NEVER ankle a girl." He said, "Oh."

Melissa Guay said...

First of all, I am curious about the comment of Kimberly's you accidentally deleted!
And second, Jane Anne, OH MY WORD!!! Being ankled in Safeway rates right up there with....I don't know, I can't think of anything that would top or even come close!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristen said...

Here in Colorado, we call that "de-pantsed". And I'll let it be you and Jane Anne's little secret about why your funny parts received a good round of laughter. ;-)

Kimberly said...

We've always just called that - getting pantsed. Isn't it funny how there is so many different ways to describe one humiliation?
As funny as Seth's story was (and it was FUNNY) I think that Jane Anne's story might have been even funnier!

Seth said...

JA trumped my post!!! And Kristin- I have one word- Confidence!

Amy said...

Oh thank you JA for teaching your boys about girls! =) That is funny!! And being from CO too, I always remember it being called "getting pantsed" as well. Thanks for adding smiles to my days!!

Amy said...

Oh! Of course, Elisabeth probably won't stand a chance. My brothers "pantsed" us girls all the time... Hopefully, the boys realize that sisters are girls too! =)

indyjulie said...

Seth~
5 minutes of laughter on this cold and snowy day .... is a joy! I remember having some yahoo ankle me in co-ed gym class my Freshman year. I thought I was going to DIE! I hope you and your family are having a great start to the new year. Have you all started on your cars for the Pinewood Derby?
Jules